Monday, September 13, 2010

Sometimes I Just Get in a Funk...

and it's hard to crawl out of.

I'm almost positive it's hormonal because my periods are so sporadic I wouldn't bet nickel on them. And amongst other things I'm sure my weight has serious "weight" on my hormone levels too.

I tried to do things that would make me naturally happier... like exercise. And eating healthier.

Jungle Gym Therapy

I even found a swingset in the park and swung til my butt went numb hoping it would snap me out of it. Honestly it helped a little :)

My husband suggested that when we took our little four day vacation to visit my family in Bristol that I stay a week or so and get some girl time in.

So that my friends, is percisely why I have been blogingly neglectful.

I've had tons of fun... you heard about my biking adventure I'm sure.

We've been doing lots of girly things like:

  • We broke out the sewing machine (that someone bought 3 years ago and was still in it's box).
  • We spend a ridiculous amount of the day on the porch swing watching the cows (it happens to be the very spot I am blogging from now)
  • I have every intention of learning to crochet before I leave. I have this unnatural favor of winter scarves and it would just fuel my fire if I could make my own.
  • We went to a paint you're own pottery place and I made these super awesome one of a kind food and water bowls for my kitty.

Have I ever told you that I have a cat? Well I do... and her name is Callie because she's a calico. Original. I know. She is very ugly, but very lovable which is why she has a home in the first place. I like to think we're better people because we took the ugly kitten. It's a horrible thought, but it's still true.

Anyhow. Back to my funk.

Before I left I went to the doctors to get my annual blood work done and go back on the pill (which has always helped my moods before). The results came back and... drumroll please...

I am completely healthy. I'm fat. But I'm healthy. Figures.

So I got to thinkin, one of those days on the porch swing, maybe I've felt like this for longer than I thought... but since I ate at any and every sign of emotion (good or bad)  it just wasn't as apparent until now.

Could it be? Was ice cream my anti-depressant? Is all of this funk just from the lack of my beloved high fructose corn syrup? It's a strong possibility. Getting stronger every day.

Maybe I'm just angry inside. Angry that lettuce doesn't taste like pie. Angry that comfort food only comes in horrible things that clog arteries and promote stretch marks. Angry that even though I know all of the facts and figures if someone wasn't looking I'd choose the blueberry muffin over... well just about anything else. It's so freaking frustrating to know the hold this food has over me!

It will pass. This I am sure of that. But it sure is a pain in the ass now.

I will say it's helped so much being able to read blogs from Roxie and Robin and Bitchcakes  . Their progress is a fat free calorie free sugar free carb free pick me up and that's precisely what I needed.

Keep up the good work kids and stay out of the funk xox


  1. You have no idea how much I can relate to this post! It makes me FURIOUS that everything I have to stay away from when it comes to food is so damn tasty! And what frustrates me even more is that my friends (all of whom are naturally slim) never have to double think things the way that I do when it comes to whether to choose that blueberry muffin or not! I'd love for you to follow my blog and see what you can and can't relate to- even though I only have one post so far, knowing that people are following and able to relate to my weight loss journey would motivate me so much more! And we both know how much of that motivation is needed when saying no to that muffin! (Or for me, that bag of crisps!)

  2. hey girl!! first of all thanks for the shout out!! We just love ya!!!

    I have to say ... I too wish lettuce tasted like pie and that feta tasted like a banana split. But they dont! lol and so we learn to love them anyways. Well, lettuce anyways!!

    I feel your frustration! I have been there so many times! Stay strong. Keep your head blah blah blah... we know what we have to do right!!??

    Come visit often ok.. and if you ever need a not so skinny friend to talk to I have yahoo and windows live messenger we could talk and kick each others butt into gear!! now whaddya say!!!


  3. My best friend and I were just lamenting today that there's nothing we'd call low-carb "comfort foods". As good as I feel about my weightloss after eating a bunless burger and side salad, I don't feel mentally-eased, you know? I know it's all about changing my associations, but it's HARD.

  4. Oh girls you just light up my life :)

    Fathungrygirl: I have very few fat friends as well and they just don't get it. It really is an socially acceptable addiction. If heroin was my drug of choice would it be fair to shoot up in front of me and claim I just need to "learn to control myself" no. How is that different from a canoli to a person with a food addiction I ask you? I don't think it is. A tad dramatic yes... but none the less as someone who has (thankfully) never had an illegal substance addiction, it feels the same. Looking forward to your blog chica ;)

    Oh Robin: knowing you feel my pain is comfort :) Thanks for the kind words. You never run short of kind words and I thank you xox

    Plumpdumpling: You and I must be on a mission to find a low carb comfort food before the holidays. We just must!