Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I heart carbs.

It's only week one and I am breaking promises. Tisk Tisk.

I think I have a viable excuse though. I think.

Here's the story...

So I have this cousin, who is a wonderful and lovable and glorious in everyway. She used to be a skinny mini softball star or something like that. Now she's a forty something mother of four who I swear has 36 hours in her day, not like the 24 of us mere mortals.

Years of taking care of everyone else and ignoring herself eventually caught up with her. She had major anxiety over her weight. Self-hating trash-talking ugliness about her weight.

I've often said I feel bad for those fat people who were, at one time skinny. They seem to be overly traumatized by their weight in ways that I, having ALWAYS been chubby, am not. It's not to say that I am "fat and happy". I'm just not haunted about it. I have nothing to compare it to.

She was my go to girl for just about everything. We clung together at family functions and made jokes at the skinny peoples expense over a plate of ham rolls.

Last year all that changed. She went and got skinny on me. Yep. My go to girl. One of them.

Since we live a good thousand miles apart and only see each other a couple times a year, the first time I saw her it hit me like a ton of bricks. WOW. She looked so great!!!! I'll admit my joy for her was slightly overshadowed by envy.

But envy is just an ugly emotion without motivation. I am sad to say I am a motivationally challenged girl.

Fast forward a year and someone's lit a fire under my ass. Now I want that. I want someone to look at me and have a wow moment.

So I'm doing it. Hopefully not so slowly, but definitely surely.

I'm willing to take dramatic measures. Like take a multivitamin. Even though I gag.

And go for a power walk EVERYDAY. Even though I only own one sports bra.

And eat healthy. Even though I have dreams about all things battered.

I spent all day Monday focusing on my food intake. Researching. Learning. (thus the lack of post) and I am ready. I'm ready to stop using excuses and just do it for Pete's sake!

Now if you'll excuse me, my sports bra is calling my name.

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